From: myra@mbsun.mlb.org (Myra Bernson)
Newsgroups: alt.pagan
Subject: Re: Ritual request
Date: 10 Dec 1994 23:43:27 -0500

Caution, I become long winded as I respond to the following:


Ken Berry (kberry@ucs.indiana.edu) writes:
> I have a close Wiccan friend whose grandfather (Christian) just
> passed away last week.  She asked me if I'd heard about or read any
> rituals to say good-bye to a loved one.  I haven't, but I thought
> that one of you beautiful souls out there might have.  I also
> suggested that she write her own, but I think she would feel better
> if she had something to use as a base.  [...]

I agree that it would be more meaningful if your friend writes her own
ritual.  Here is what I did for my father which might provide some
ideas.

Last year I asked for ideas for funeral rituals since I had been so
uncomfortable with the Christian memorial service for friends and
family.  The service was appropriate for his beliefs and helped my
mom, but left me feeling as if something had been left undone.

I ended up making a bowl out of cinnamon dough.  I then decorated the
bowl with symbols that had meaning for my father's life. A book (he
was a voracious reader), a chef's hat (he loved to cook - making the
bowl itself helped to emphasize this with the smell that filled the
house as it dried), woodworking tools, a loom, music, a cross, a hand
reaching out to another, etc.  Making the bowl gave me time to really
reflect on my relationship with Dad, how I viewed him, and the things
I would miss with him gone.  During the days immediately following his
death I hadn't had a chance to do this as there were so many friends
and relatives around giving comfort, but also buffering me from my
thoughts.

Members from my circle got together to celebrate Dad's life and death.
We raised a circle.  For the ritual I took the bowl and led the group
singing "Ancient Mother" while dancing widdershins in a spiral into
the center of the circle where our HP stood in the aspect of the Lord
of Death and Resurection.  I handed the bowl over to his care saying a
few words about who the bowl represented.  He broke the bowl and
placed some of the fragments in a mug I had bought Dad, but had not
gotten a chance to give him.  He gave me the mug and we once again
sang and danced this time spiralling outwards to the outer edge of the
circle and moving deosil.  We sang "There is no end to the circle, no
end.  There is no end to life, there is no end."  As we sang and
danced we beagn to sing faster and dance a little faster until our
song and dance were almost joyous.  Afterwards, we passed the mug
around the circle and each person placed a small bit of dirt in the
mug and those who knew my dad said a few words about him.  when the
mug which was now full of dirt cam back to me I planted a small tiger
aloe in it.  We then feasted and made merry and eventually closed the
cirlce.

I've left out a lot of what was said, but I hope I've conveyed the
essence of what was done.

I took the remaining pieces of the bowl and crushed half of them to a
fine powder.  The powder went with me when we (Mom, an uncle, my
husband and myself) took Dad's ashes to be scattered in a place that
was special to him.  I scattered the bowl powder with him.

The other pieces were saved and were burned at a bonfire this summer
close to the anniversary of Dad's death.  It was a special time that
was being spent with friends.  I wanted a way to mark this particular
anniversary as I then gone through each holiday, each season, each
family event without Dad being there.  It was by way of being a rite
of passage for me, yet another letting go.